[Rumpelstiltskin licks a plate from the garbage; Shrek storms outside; Fiona follows him; Rumpelstiltskin hides behind a barrel]
Princess Fiona: Unbelievable.
Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers--!
Princess Fiona: I'm not talking about the villagers, Shrek. I'm talking about you. Is this *really* how you want to remember the kids' first birthday?
Shrek: Oh, great, so this is all *my* fault?
Princess Fiona: Yes! But, you know what? Let's talk about this *after* the party, at home.
Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? "Step right up! See the dancing ogre! Don't worry, he won't bite!" I *used* to be an ogre! Now, I'm just a jolly green joke!
Princess Fiona: OK, OK, maybe you're not... the ogre you used to be, but maybe that's not such a bad thing.
Shrek: Ah, I wouldn't expect *you* to understand. It's not like you're a *real* ogre. You spent half your life in a palace.
Princess Fiona: And the other half locked away in a tower.
Shrek: [sighs] Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when villagers were afraid of me and I could take a mud bath in peace! When I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it! Back when the world made sense!
Princess Fiona: You mean, back before you rescued me from the Dragon's Keep?
Shrek: Exactly!
Princess Fiona: [stares at Shrek in shock] Shrek. You have three beautiful children. A wife who loves you. Friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can't see that is you?
[opens the door, looks back at Shrek, shakes her head and goes inside]
Shrek: That's just great.
[marches off; Rumpelstiltskin comes out of hiding and smiles evilly]