["Shrek: Quick, tell a lie!\nPinocchio: What should I say?\nDonkey: Say something crazy, like, \"I'm wearing ladies underwear!\"\nPinocchio: I'm wearing ladies underwear.\nPinocchio: [silence]\nShrek: Are you?\nPinocchio: I most certainly am not!\nPinocchio: [nose extends]\nDonkey: It looks like you most certainly am are!\nPinocchio: I am not!\nPinocchio: [nose extends]\nPuss-in-Boots: What kind?\nGingerbread Man: IT'S A THONG!","[after drinking a beauty potion]\nDonkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different?\nPuss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me.","Donkey: Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.","Donkey: What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, \"You have the right to remain silent.\" Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!\nShrek: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.\nPuss-in-Boots: [camera shows just Puss] I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.\nGingerbread Man: Shrek? Donkey?\nPuss-in-Boots: [looks up to see fairy tale creatures above him] Too late.\nShrek: Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here!","Puss-in-Boots: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.\nShrek: Join the club. We got jackets.","[Shrek, Fiona, Fiona's Mom and Dad and Donkey are arguing at the table]\nQueen: Harold!\nPrincess Fiona: Shrek!\nShrek: Fiona...\nKing: Fiona!\nPrincess Fiona: Mom!\nQueen: Harold!\nDonkey: [happily] Donkey!","Receptionist: Look, she's not seeing any clients today. Okay?\nShrek: That's okay, buddy. We're from the union.\nReceptionist: The union?\nShrek: We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.\nReceptionist: Oh, of course.\nShrek: Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?\nReceptionist: A little. We don't even have dental.\nShrek: They don't even have dental. Okay, we're gonna have a look around. And buddy, it would be better if the Fairy Godmother doesn't know about this. Know what I mean? Hmm?\nDonkey: Hmm?\nShrek: Hmm?\nDonkey: Huh? Huh? Huh?\nShrek: Stop it.","Shrek: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.\nDonkey: Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling \"Piñata! Piñata!\" What is a piñata, anyway?\nShrek: No, Donkey! I need you to cry.","Captain of the Guards: Catnip...\nPuss-in-Boots: That's, uh, not mine...","Puss-in-Boots: I hate Mondays.\nDonkey: [disgusted, to Shrek] I can't believe you're just gonna walk away from the best thing that ever happened to you.","King: Who on earth are they?\nQueen: I think that's our little girl!\nKing: That's not little, that's a really big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?\nQueen: Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...\nShrek: Happy now? We came, we saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches!\nPrincess Fiona: But they're my parents!\nShrek: Hello, they locked you in a tower!\nPrincess Fiona: Hey, that was for my own...\nKing: Good! Now's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.\nQueen: Harold! We have to be...\nShrek: Quick, while they're not looking, we can make a run for it!\nPrincess Fiona: Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be...\nKing: A disaster! There's no way...\nPrincess Fiona: You can do this.\nShrek: But I really...\nKing: Really...\nQueen: Really...\nShrek: Don't...\nPrincess Fiona: Want...\nQueen: To...\nShrek: Be...\nKing: He-ere.","Donkey: You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo.","Donkey: I don't wanna die! I don't wanna DIE! Oh, sweet sister mother of mercy! I'm melting! I'M MEEELTIIING!\nShrek: It's just the rain, Donkey.","Donkey: [singing] The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom...\n[trails off]\nShrek: Bet my bottom?\nDonkey: I'm coming Elizabeth!\n[passes out]","Donkey: [singing] Head 'em up, Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Move 'em on, Head 'em up, Rawhide! Line 'em up, Move 'em on, Head 'em up, Head 'em up, Move 'em on, Rawhide! Knock 'em out, Pound dead, Make 'em tea, Buy 'em drinks, Meet their mommas, Milk 'em hard, RAWHIDE! HEE-HAW!","Donkey: [to Puss-in-Boots] I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken.","Shrek: Oh, look! A little cat.\n[Puss-in-Boots brandishes his sword]\nDonkey: Look out, Shrek! He got a piece!\nShrek: It's a cat, Donkey.","[opening lines]\nPrince Charming: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and throughout the land everyone was happy, until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother, who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her-\n[Charming gasps at the sight of the Big Bad Wolf]\nWolf: What?\nPrince Charming: Princess... Fiona?\nWolf: NO!\nPrince Charming: Oh, thank heavens! Where is she?\nWolf: She's on her honeymoon.\nPrince Charming: Honeymoon? With whom?","Donkey: Are we there yet?\nShrek: Yes.\nDonkey: Really?\nShrek: No!","Donkey: [carriage runs over Donkey] Oh, God! help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever be able to play the violin again?","Donkey: Shrek and I drank this potion and well, now... we're sexy!","Shrek: [about the trumpeters and messenger who gave Shrek and Fiona the invitation] How do you explain Sgt. Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?","[after discovering Shrek must kiss his true love for his transformation to be permanent]\nMaiden #1: Oh, pick me. I'll be your true love!\nJill: I'll be your true love.\nMaiden #2: I'll be true... enough.","[Shrek steals two noblemen's clothes]\nShrek: Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you, unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.","Puss-in-Boots: [trying to convince Shrek not to neuter him] Please, no, por favor, por favor, please no, I implore you. I was doing it for my family! My mother she's sick and my father he lives off the garbage. The king offered me much money and I have a little brother...","Princess Fiona: Shrek?\nPuss-in-Boots: For you, baby, I could be.\nDonkey: Yeah, you wish!","Donkey: [repeatedly] Are we there yet?","Shrek: Donkey? you're a...\nDonkey: A stallion, baby! I can whinny!\n[whinnies]\nDonkey: I can count!\n[stomps his hoof]\nDonkey: Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting!","Shrek: The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR, FAR away!","Puss-in-Boots: Fear me, if you dare.","[Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]\nPrincess Fiona: Oh, Dad...\nQueen: Harold...\nPinocchio: Is he... oh...\n[there's a \"ribbit\"]\nGingerbread Man: He croaked...\n[Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]\nQueen: ...Harold?\nPrincess Fiona: ...Dad?\nKing: [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...\nDonkey: [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!\nShrek: Donkey!\nKing: No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?\n[Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]\nQueen: Harold...\nKing: I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...\nQueen: [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...","Princess Fiona: I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.","Puss-in-Boots: GO! GO! Your lady needs you. GO!\n[Shrek, Donkey and the gang head for the Royal Ball]\nPuss-in-Boots: Today, I repay my debt.\n[soldiers surround Puss as he slowly draws his weapon]\nPuss-in-Boots: EN GARDE!","[the king enters Puss' room; it is dark, and only Puss' eyes and boots are visible]\nPuss-in-Boots: Who dares enter my room?\nKing: Sorry - I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I was told that you are the one to handle an ogre problem.\nPuss-in-Boots: You are told correct, but for this I charge a great deal of money.\nKing: Will this do?\n[the king throws a bag full of money on the table; Puss opens it with his sword]\nPuss-in-Boots: You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre.","Shrek: [to Donkey] For five minutes, could you not be yourself? FOR FIVE MINUTES!","Shrek: That's it, Mongo! To the castle!\n[Mongo heads to the giant cup on top of Farbucks Coffee]\nShrek: No, no, no, no! You great stupid pastry! Come on!","Fairy Godmother: He endured blistering winds and scorching deserts - he climbed the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower - and what does he find? Some gender-confused WOLF telling him that HIS princess is already married!\nKing: Well, it wasn't my fault - he didn't get there in time!","Donkey: I mean, how good looking could this Prince Charming guy be anyway?\nThe Ugly Stepsister: Are you kiddin'? He's gorgeous! His face looks like it was carved by angels.\nPuss-in-Boots: Hmmm... he sounds dreamy.","Puss-in-Boots: Pray for mercy from Puss... in boots.","[hanging from Fairy Godmother's feet and looking up]\nPig: I see London, I see France...","Donkey: [to Puss] If we ever need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call.","[after Shrek, Donkey and Puss stumble upon a factory with multi-colored smokestacks]\nDonkey: Oh, no! That's the old Keebler's place! Let's just walk away slowly.\nPuss-in-Boots: That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She is the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom.\nShrek: So why don't we drop in for a spell? Ha, ha! Spell!","Chef: Bon appétit!\nDonkey: Oh, Mexican food! My favorite.","Fairy Godmother: Harold, you have forced me to do something I really don't want to do.\nKing: What... Where are we?\nFast Food Clerk: Well, hi there! Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy. May I take your order?\nFairy Godmother: My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy.","Princess Fiona: They just want to give us their blessing.\nShrek: Oh, great! Now I need their blessing?\nPrincess Fiona: Well, if you want to be part of this family, yes.\nShrek: Who said I want to be part of this family?\nPrincess Fiona: Uh... you did? When you married me?\nShrek: Well, there's some fine print for ya.","[trying to get Puss, Donkey accidentally kicks Shrek in the groin]\nDonkey: Did I miss?\nShrek: No. You got them.","Blind Mouse: [muffled] Pardon me. Would you mind letting me go?\nShrek: What? Puss!\nPuss-in-Boots: [spits Blind Mouse out] Sorry, boss.\nShrek: Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss!","[Shrek is depressed because Fiona's father wants to kill him]\nDonkey: Oh, don't feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you.","Gingerbread Man: It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!","[Puss is watching Shrek and Fiona]\nPuss-in-Boots: Whatever happens... I must not cry. You cannot make me cry...\n[breaks down sobbing]","Cedric: Can I help you, your majesty?\nKing: Ah, yes, um... Mmm, exquisite. What do you call this dish?\nCedric: That would be the dog's breakfast, your majesty.\nKing: Ah, yes! Very good, uh... Carry on, Cedric.","King: [Donkey sits at the table] No, no! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!\nPrincess Fiona: Dad, it's alright, it's alright. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon.\nDonkey: Yup, that's me, the noble steed. Hey waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed?","Fairy Godmother: We have to go. I have to do Charming's hair. You know, he's all high in the front and he can't reach the back. He always needs someone to take care of the back.\nPrince Charming: Oh, thank you, Mother.\nDonkey: [outside window] Mother?\nShrek: Uh... Mary! A talking horse!\nFairy Godmother: The ogre!","Queen: So, Fiona. Tell us about where you live.\nPrincess Fiona: Well, Shrek owns his own land. Don't you, honey?\nShrek: Yes. It's in an... enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies...\nDonkey: What?\n[laughs]\nDonkey: I know you ain't talking about the swamp.\nShrek: Donkey!\nKing: An ogre from a swamp. How original.\nQueen: I guess that will be a fine place to raise the children.\n[both Shrek and the King choke; Shrek coughs up his spoon]\nShrek: It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it?\nKing: Indeed! I just started eating.\nQueen: Harold!\nShrek: What's that supposed to mean?","Princess Fiona: Is that glitter on your lips?\nPrince Charming: Mmm, cherry flavored. Want a taste?","Fairy Godmother: I don't care whose fault this was, just get this place cleaned up! And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate!","Donkey: Pray for mercy, from Puss!\nPuss-in-Boots: And Donkey!","[King Harold turns up with two cups of tea - the one for Fiona filed with love potion...]\nKing: Darling? Ah, I thought I might find you here - how about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball...\nPrincess Fiona: I'm not going.\nKing: B-b-but the whole kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage!\nPrincess Fiona: There's just one problem - that's not my husband. I mean, look at him!\n[they both watch Charming, showing off in front of everyone]\nKing: Yes, he is a bit different, but people do change for the ones they love - you'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother...\nPrincess Fiona: *Change*? He's completely lost his mind!\nKing: Darling, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance - I mean, you might find you like this new Shrek...\nPrincess Fiona: But it's the *old* one I fell in love with, Dad - I'd give anything to have him back...\n[she reaches for her tea...]\nKing: [taking her cup] Darling, that's mine! Decaf... otherwise I'm up all night!\n[Fiona drinks the normal cup of tea]\nPrincess Fiona: Mmm. Thanks.","Shrek: Face it, Donkey. We're lost.\nDonkey: We can't be lost. We followed the king's instructions to the letter. What did he say? Go to the deepest, darkest part of the forest.\nShrek: Aye.\nDonkey: Go past the sinister-looking trees with the scary-looking branches.\nShrek: Uh-huh.\nDonkey: And there's that bush that looks like Shirley Bassey.\nShrek: We passed that bush three times already!\nDonkey: Well, I wasn't the one who refused to stop for directions.","Donkey: [from their hiding place] Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face!","[Donkey collapses in a dead faint]\nPuss-in-Boots: Hey, boss. Let's shave him.","[Shrek has grabbed Puss-in-boots]\nDonkey: I say we take the sword and neuter him right here! Give him the Bob Barker treatment!","Pinocchio: I'm a real boy!","[convincing Donkey to let Puss come with them]\nShrek: How many cats can wear boots? Honestly?...","Puss-in-Boots: Ah-ha-ha!...\n[cough - hack - cough]\nPuss-in-Boots: He he... Hairball.\nDonkey: Oh, that is nasty!","[to handsome Shrek]\nMaiden #1: You're so tense.\nJill: I want to rub his shoulders.\nMaiden #1: I got it covered. Thanks.\nMaiden #2: I don't have anything to rub.\nJill: Well, get in line.","Donkey: [after turning back into a donkey] Aaaaaaw.\nShrek: Hey? You still look like a noble steed to me.","Gingerbread Man: I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears! Flip over to Wheel of Torture.\nPinocchio: I'm not flipping anywhere, Sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona.","Shrek: A cute button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks? I'm-I'm...\nJill: Gorgeous!\nMaiden #1: I'll say.","Shrek: Puss, do you think you could get up there?\nPuss-in-Boots: No prolema, boss - in one of my nine cat lives I was the great cat burglar Santiago de Compostela!","Shrek: Look out, princess. Here comes the new me.\n[his pants fall down]\nDonkey: First things first. We need to get you out of those clothes.\n[the maidens gasp with delight]","Princess Fiona: You're acting like a... a...\nShrek: Go on, say it.\nPrincess Fiona: Like an ogre!\nShrek: Well, guess what? Whether your parents like it or not, I *am* an ogre!\n[roars at the dog to shut it up]\nShrek: And guess what, princess? That's not about to change.\nPrincess Fiona: I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that.\n[she leaves]\nDonkey: That's real smooth, Shrek. \"I'm an ogre! Arrr!\"","[Dragon flies up with her and Donkey's children]\nDonkey: Look at our little mutant babies!\n[screen goes black]\nDonkey: I gotta get a job!","[to Donkey, when Shrek, Donkey, and Puss are at a bar]\nThe Ugly Stepsister: Why the long face?","Shrek: Hi. I'm here to see...\nReceptionist: The Fairy Godmother? I'm sorry, she's not here right now.\nFairy Godmother: [on intercom] Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo! Now!","Shrek: TGIF, eh, buddy? Working hard or hardly working, eh, mac?","Donkey: [running ahead of giant gingerbread man] Run, run, run as fast as you can!","Donkey: I'm a stallion, baby!","Fairy Godmother: Harold, you were supposed to give her the potion!\nKing: Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea.","Donkey: You know, in some cultures, donkeys are revered as the smartest of animals, especially us talking ones.","King: So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...\nShrek: Ogres! Yes!\nQueen: Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?\nKing: Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young!\nPrincess Fiona: Dad!\nShrek: Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in a tower!\nPrincess Fiona: Shrek, please!\nKing: I only did that because I love her!\nShrek: Oh, aye! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!\nKing: You wouldn't understand that you're not her father!","Puss-in-Boots: [to Shrek] I too was concocting this very same plan, already our minds are becoming one!","Fairy Godmother: Your fallen tears have called to me / So here comes my sweet remedy / I know what every princess needs / For her to live life happily / With... just a wave of my magic wand / Your troubles will soon be gone / With a flick of the wrist in just a flash / You land a prince with a ton of cash / A high priced dress made by mice no less / Some crystal glass pumps and almost dressed / Worries will vanish your soul will cleanse / Confide in your very own furniture friends / We'll help you set a new fashion trend / I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great / The kind of gal a prince would date / They'll write your name on the bathroom wall...\nBookcase: For happy ever after, give Fiona a call!\nFairy Godmother: A sporty carriage to ride in style / A sexy man-boy chauffer Kyle / Vanish your blemishes, tooth decay / Celulite thighs will fade away / And oh, what the hey? / Have a Bichon Frise / Nip and tuck here and there / To land that prince with the perfect hair / Lipstick liners, shadow blush / To get that prince with a sexy tush / Lucky day, hunk buffet / For the lipstick a roll in the hay / You can spoon on the moon / With the prince to this tune / Don't be drab, you'll be fab / Your prince will have rock-hard abs / Cheese souflee Valentine's Day? / Have some chicken fricassee...","Mirror: Well, the abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at the Far Far Away royal ball. The carriages are all lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey.","The Ugly Stepsister: [approaching Prince Charming] Hello, Gorgeous.","[as Shrek and Harold get into a fight]\nDonkey: I got to go to the bathroom...\nChef: Dinner is served!\nDonkey: Never mind. I can hold it.","Shrek: Fiona's father paid you to do this?\nPuss-in-Boots: The rich king? Sí.","Mongo: [drowning] Be good.","Puss-in-Boots: [gets a look from Shrek and Donkey after agreeing Shrek should be a Prince Charming] Sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.","Donkey: It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on.","Fairy Godmother: What in Grimm's name are you doing here?\nShrek: It seems that Fiona is not at all happy.\nFairy Godmother: Oh, and is there any question as to why that is? Let's explore that, shall we?\n[looks over her bookshelf]\nFairy Godmother: Let's see... P-p-p-p-p, Princess. Cinderella... Handsome prince, lived happily ever after... oh, no ogres! Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Handsel and Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after...\nShrek: Alright! Look, lady...\nFairy Godmother: DON'T YOU POINT THOSE DIRTY GREEN SAUSAGES AT ME!","Shrek: Aww, come one, Donkey, look at him, in his wee lil' boots! I mean, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly?","Fairy Godmother: Don't you point those dirty, green sausages at me!","Prince Charming: [waving his sword] Where is he Mum? I shall render his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! HE WILL RUE THE VERY DAY HE STOLE MY KINGDOM AWAY FROM ME!\n[a bird sheds its droppings on him]\nFairy Godmother: Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be King. We just need to work out something smarter, that's all.","Prince Charming: Uh... FYI. Not my fault!","Princess Fiona: [burps] Excuse me\nShrek: Better out than in, i always say ay, Fiona\n[Fiona and Shrek both giggle]","King: Uh, excuse me, I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister.\n[the Ugly Stepsister silently turns around to face Harold]\nKing: Ah, there you are, right. You see, I uh,\n[Harold lowers his voice]\nKing: I need to have someone 'taken care of'.\nThe Ugly Stepsister: Who's the guy?\nKing: Well, he's not guy per say, he's ogre.\n[the entire bar gasps at the word ogre and drops silent]\nThe Ugly Stepsister: Hey, buddy let me clue you in. There's only one fella who can handle a job like that, and frankly he don't like to be disturbed.\nKing: Where could I find him?","Puss-in-Boots: Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?","Gingerbread Man: Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We got a big order to fill.","Gingerbread Man: IT'S ALIVE!","Shrek: Do you still know the Muffin Man?\nGingerbread Man: Sure, he's down on Drury Lane. Why?\nShrek: Because we're going to need flour. Lots and lots of flour.","Donkey: [after just being snuck up on by Puss In Boots, who steps on his hoof] Owww! You little hairy little licking sack of...\n[tear lands onto card]\nFairy Godmother: [\"Voice Message\" Bubble forms after landing] Is it on?, Is it on?\n[clears throat]\nFairy Godmother: What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client, but if you come by the office, we'll be glad to give you a personal appointment. Have a Happy Ever After!\n[bubble pops]","Donkey: [as he stands on an elevated stage with a mike] Puss and Donkey, y'all.","Prince Charming: I'll have the Medieval Meal.","Fairy Godmother: I told you ogres don't live happily ever after!","Fairy Godmother: Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away...","Fairy Godmother: [singing] I need a hero!","[at the dinner table as dinner is served]\nQueen: Let's not sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody dig in.\nDonkey: Don't mind if I do, Lillian!","[singing softly]\nFairy Godmother: Your fallen tears have come to me, so here comes my sweet remedy, I know what every princess needs, for her to live happily...","[Shrek farts after he drinks the love potion] \nDonkey: Ooh! I think you might've drunk the Farty Ever After potion!","King: I knew this would happen.\nQueen: You should. You started it.\nKing: I can hardly believe that, Lillian. He's the ogre. Not me.\nQueen: I think Harold, you're taking this a little too personally. This is Fiona's choice.\nKing: Yes, but she was supposed to choose the prince we picked out for her. I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this thing?\nQueen: Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold. Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young? We used to walk down by the lily pond and they were in bloom.\nKing: Our first kiss. It's not the same! I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster!","Fairy Godmother: You see we made a deal, Harold. And I assume you don't want me to go back on my part.\nKing: [sighs] Indeed not.\nFairy Godmother: So Fiona and Charming *will* be together!\nKing: Yes.\nFairy Godmother: Oh, believe me Harold. It's what's best. Not only for your daughter...\n[takes a bite out of her wrap]\nFairy Godmother: But for your kingdom.","Fairy Godmother: It's time to stop living in a fairy tale, Shrek. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change.\nShrek: But I love her.\nFairy Godmother: If you really love her... you'll let her go.","Prince Charming: I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre?\nKing: No, no, It's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay?\nPrince Charming, Fairy Godmother: What?\nKing: You can't force someone to fall in love!\nFairy Godmother: I beg to differ. I do it all the time!\n[pulls out a love potion from her bag]\nFairy Godmother: Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming.\nKing: Um, no.\nFairy Godmother: What did you say?\nKing: I can't. I won't do it.\nFairy Godmother: Oh, yes, you will. If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after.\n[holds her wand close to Harold's face]\nFairy Godmother: And I can take it away just as easily. Is that what you want? Is it?\nKing: No.\nFairy Godmother: Good boy.","[Shrek, Donkey, Puss and the gang arrive at the Royal Ball just in time to try to prevent Prince Charming from kissing Fiona]\nShrek: Hey, YOU! Back away from my wife!","Prince Charming: Mummy!\n[tosses the magic wand to his mother]\nPrincess Fiona: [confused] Mummy?\nFairy Godmother: [enraged, to Shrek] I TOLD YOU OGRES DON'T LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!\n[fires a blast from her wand in a selfish attempt to kill Shrek]\nPrincess Fiona: [worried] SHREK!\nKing: NOOOOOO!\n[the blast from the wand is deflected off of the King's armour and hits the Fairy Godmother. Shocked, she wonders what hit her, and she makes another attempt to kill Shrek, but before she can fire another blast from her wand, she explodes into bubbles, dying in the process]","Shrek: And who said I wanted to be part of this family?\nPrincess Fiona: Uh, YOU DID. When you married me.","Donkey: Uh I gotta go to the bathroom\nChef: Dinner is served!\nDonkey: Never mind. I can hold it.","Donkey: Did I Miss?\nShrek: No. You got them.","Shrek: You know SHOCKINGLY this isn't making me feel any better"]